Friday, May 4, 2012

WORK isn't life

I love to work, so keep that in mind when I rant for the next few sentences.

I hate my job. I hate how all the women nag. I hate how the people in the restaurant are so picky and bitchy no matter what you do. I hate how nothing is ever good enough. I hate how my boss is passive aggressive. I hate how people are so sickly sweet to you that you know it's fake. I hate the way people come in 5 minutes before we close. I used to love it, but now, I dread every single day of going to work. Everyone just gets on my nerves now. Maybe I'm just in a bad mood every day that I'm there or I'm permanently bitchy no matter what. 

I've applied for so many full time jobs, but I haven't heard anything back from them and I don't think I will. Life is so different than I thought it would be. I thought I would be in college by now, finishing my first year of UNT and having the time of my life. Instead, I'm a drop out who couldn't cut it at a big university. So now what do I do. I can't stay at a community college but I'm too afraid to go off and leave again. It also doesn't help that I feel like no one really believes in me. But I guess that would happen when I don't even believe in myself. I guess it's true what people say, you can't truly love anyone else until you love yourself. And I don't, I hate myself. 

So now what. I need to know, and I need to know now, before I go crazy. Well, crazier. 

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Day One: Blogging?

I have never blogged before; I guess I've never really wanted too. I don't really need anyone to listen, but it would be nice to be heard. My thoughts aren't anymore profound than the next person's, but I have so many things in my head that I need to get out. I can't talk to my boyfriend or my parents or my friends. I'm a walking cliche who dictates my life by constantly saying "no one understands what I'm going through" but that's quite the contrary I think. Everyone feels loneliness, pain, fear, and no one really knows how to deal with it.
My whole life, I have wanted to be a writer. But how do you get all these thoughts and emotions into words that someone else can understand? If someone can't understand what you're saying then whats the point of writing. You write so someone can relate to what you're saying. I just want someone to at least feel inspired by what I believe and think.
Life is too short to be afraid to be completely honest and truthful with people. This is me being honest.